Please don't go

He's going to move out. Yep. That's what he said.

I don't remember now what brought it on, but he made the announcement on Friday night. We were all in the living room, enjoying a quiet night at home when someone's feelings were hurt or something. It's all a blur, really. I've always heard that the mind can kind of protect you by shutting out memories that cause incredible pain. Maybe this is an example of that, I don't know.

I remember it being very cold. And raining. In fact, it rained all day last Friday. The wind was blowing so hard outside that the neighbors' Halloween pumpkin blew across their yard, into the street and landed in the storm water drain over on our side of the road. Kind of an eerie sight in the dark, cold rain. Pumpkin lying on its side, facing the cars as they passed; strange, smiling face with dark, dark eyes. But, I digress.

I'm sitting in my chair, trying to keep warm. Hubby is beside me. Words were said. Someone voices their displeasure at said words. Tears shed.

"I'm leaving. I'm going to leave this house!"

"Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know, I'm just leaving. I'm taking my stuff and going".

Tears flowing openly now.

"You can't leave; it's raining and very cold outside."

"Yes I can, I'll get my warm clothes and pillow and blankets and stuff and I'm going somewhere else!"

Ok, so the 'warm clothes' comment almost did me in.

"Well, we'll see you later. Come give me a kiss and a hug".

"NO! I'm going and you can't have a kiss."

"Ok, but you can't take your toys. The toys stay here."

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. And falling down on the floor and whining.

"Yes I can! I wanna take my toys! My toys! I want my toys too!!!"

"Nope, but if you stay you can have your toys"

Sniff. Sniff. Tears dry up a little. Watery blue eyes with eyelashes all stuck together, runny nose, quivering chin....... he's thinking about it. Weighing his options......

Toys win.

He stays.

Mommy and Daddy are so glad.

Me, me, me! It's all about me!

Got suckered into doing one of those surveys online. This time I thought it was a cute idea, so I sent it out to my friends and family to see what kind of responses I'd get from those that, ahem, know me best. Hrmph.
Look for my comments in bold.

Instructions: Okay, this one is different - this is funny. YOU fill in the blanks
about ME and send it back to ME. But FIRST send a blank one out to
all your friends, including me, so we can return the favor to you.
Be honest. They're really SCARY to get back. It only takes a few
minutes, so just do it! First send (forward) this survey to everyone
you know to see how well he or she knows you. Second, hit 'reply'
and fill this survey out about the person who sent it to you and
send it back to to me.

(my mom's response…….you'd think she'd have all the answers right, right?)

Where did we meet? RMC
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean
Do I smoke? No
Color of my eyes? Brown
Do I have any siblings? 1 sister
What's one of my favorite things to do? cuddle w/ Ben
What's my favorite type of music? Soft jazz (huh? soft jazz? where'd that come from?)
Am I shy or outgoing? outgoing
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? follow the rules (uh, yeah.)
Any special talents? drawing, singing
How many children do I have? 1 boy
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? Ben

(my beautiful 'baby' cousin Kellie's responses)

Where did we meet? Probably the hospital or something when I was born... I don't really remember!
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean, or **** whichever (deleted, tmi :)
Do I smoke? nope
Color of my eyes? Green? (uh, naw)
Do I have any siblings? duh! a twin sister!
What's one of my favorite things to do? Play with your little man!
What's my favorite type of music? Country and Contemporary Christian
Am I shy or outgoing? outgoing
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? I can remember a time or two that you were a rebel, but mostly a rule follower. (that's enough.....we'll talk later.)
Any special talents? Beautiful voice, and you know a thing or two about buttholes, you know with the whole nursing thing and all (uh, everybody remember that I'm a GI nurse, right? oh, I guess she could be referring to the doctors I have to work with....either way, yes, I do know a thing or two about buttholes.)
How many children do I have? 1, and he is the most handsome, sweetest little man in the whole world! (beautiful lady speaketh truth)
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? food I hope-- or a hairdryer! (hee hee)

(my lovely twin seester's responses – who, next to our mother, should have all the right answers…..right?.....mmm hmmm, yeah) (oh, and yes, she is a freakin' lunatic.)

Where did we meet? In our womb. (um, our womb?)
Take a stab at my middle name? :::stab!::: Got it! (ugh)
Do I smoke? Well, that's a matter of're CUTE...but smokin'? I dunno...
Color of my eyes? same as mine.
Do I have any siblings? Yes, the most incredible sister in the entire world. (humble, much?)
What's one of my favorite things to do? Read e-mails from your incredible sister. (oy)
What's my favorite type of music? Your incredible sister singing. (uh, not so much.)
Am I shy or outgoing? oh, shy, of course...BOO! See? You jumped...
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? You follow the rebel rules....and get suspended from school for wearing your flag on an Alabama t-shirt. (uh, it was ISS and it wasn't just a flag, it was the rebel flag, and it was a teeny-tiny rebel flag in the shape of the great state of Alabama on a huge U.S. outline…..and I wasn't the only one. And we made the 6:00 news. And we got free pizza. So there.)
Any special talents? Which definition of "special"?
How many children do I have? 2. A tall one and a short one.
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? hopefully a cell phone!!!

(this is from my friend Barbara – she's crazy too, but strangely, got all the questions right.)

Where did we meet? Church
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean
Do I smoke? no
Color of my eyes? brown
Do I have any siblings? yep
What's one of my favorite things to do? spend time with family
What's my favorite type of music? christian/country
Am I shy or outgoing? depends on the person
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? follow the rules
Any special talents? has a BEAUTIFUL voice!!!
How many children do I have? one precious blue eyed boy
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? bible and some lipstick

(yet another member of my psychotic family, my crazy Aunt Charlene)

Where did we meet? after your surprise arrival of coming in grandma's house cause I wasn't allowed to go to the hospital (mama didn't know until we were born that she was having twins - that was back in the middle ages when there were no ultrasounds....and aunt lene couldn't go to the hospital to see us because she was too young.....or she had some communicable disease, or some such....)
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean
Color of my eyes? brown
Do I have any siblings? above mentioned other of 'twos'
What's one of my favorite things to do? spend time with TSBIGA (the sweetest boy in Georgia – abbreviated for obvious reasons…)
What's my favorite type of music? depends on your mood, but mostly country
Am I shy or outgoing? both
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? both
Any special talents? sings like an angel
How many children do I have? above mentioned TSBIGA
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? coffee and chocolate (true, true.)

(lastly, my other crazy Aunt Teresa, or Teesa to all....)

Where did we meet? Like I wrote for your sister while ago, the first time I met you was at RMC, and you were crying and screaming your head off, and you weren't very pretty at the time!!!
Take a stab at my middle name? Well, since it is a family name on your Dad's side, I hope I can get it right when I say "JEAN!!"
Do I smoke? Only when you walk too fast!!! lol :)
Color of my eyes? You are like your sister on that one, your eyes are dark brown!!! A brown eyed blonde!!! Or you used to be!! Lol (excuse me, but I'm still a blonde, thankyouverymuch)
Do I have any siblings? I think you had a twin, but seeing as how it is Toni, is she a sibling? And does she know that's what she is??? (oh, yes. I think she hmm)
What's one of my favorite things to do? Go to the beach and play with Ben, maybe???
What's my favorite type of music? Like your Mama, sister, cousins, and aunts, you like George Strait, but I think you still like the type of music that was popular when you were a teenager!!! Am I shy or outgoing? I would say that you are outgoing. I told Toni that I thought she was both, but with you, I think you got brass balls, babe!! Lol (thanks!)
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? You mostly follow the rules, unless you don't want to, then you go your own way! (yep, it's all about me. Remember that.)
Any special talents? You can sing and draw, but I don't think you want to make a living doing either of them.
How many children do I have? You have the one beautiful little boy, that is spoiled rotten, and nobody seems to know why! (I certainly had nothing to do with it!)
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? Like your Mama, sister, cousins and aunts, you would stock up on chocolate! (true, true)

So, there ya go. Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask.


Got this question/comment from my sweet, soon to be 17 year old, 'neice'. She had read the blog I posted about Life, Love and Loss. Following is what I responded to her......
I think she'll be a great nurse.

aunt teri, how u doin? dont get to talk to u that much, but i thought ud like to know im gonna be a r.n. too. um, when u do lose a patient how does it affect u? i mean that's the major thing im worried about. suprisingly, i have a heart and im afraid it would just shatter if i lost someone. how do u deal with it?

Hey, sweetie. I didn't know that! Congrats on deciding! I've been a nurse now for um, almost 20 years and I can remember every single patient that I've had that has died. Believe it or not, it hasn't been that many, but they all were memorable.I have no question that you have a heart. I think you're awesome and your heart is too.

You'll find yourself after a while noticing that you have a bit of a shell formed. Not too hard a shell, but a shell all the same. It makes it easier to keep the enormity of what you experience from day to day from effecting you so much. The shell is sometimes disguised as humor - some awful things can be tough to bear and your humor will get you through. Medical folks have a wicked sense of humor - along with the ability to sit at the lunch table together, telling absolutely disgusting stories while eating a bologna sammich! :p

I've worked on several codes over the years and while I'm involved, I'm thinking about what the person means to the folks he/she is close to. Is she a grandma? Is someone waiting at home for him to get out of the hospital? Does he fish? Like to cook? Whats so tough is to see the work going on around the patient and then seeing the patient - where just a heartbeat before, they may have been talking, or whatever, and the next minute they're being worked on to literally save their life. Whatever that life may have been, good or bad, it's a life.

I also say a prayer. Every time.
I wonder if, like in the movies, the 'spirit' of the person is up above me, looking down. I absolutely know that at that time, the spirit of God may be in that room, and He's there to take that person home. Are there angels in the room? Ready to lead the way? I hope that's the case. I hope that the patient has had a saving relationship with the Father. What a beautiful thought that the person we're working on is now in the arms of our holy Father and we're just going through the motions, doing what we can until someone calls the code finished.

So, to sum it up. Yes, you'll be shattered. But you'll get through. And you'll remember every single person. You'll remember and you'll know that you did absolutely everything in your power but to no avail. And you'll pray. And maybe look up in the corner of the room and see the fleeting vision of heaven open up to welcome one of God's children home. And you'll remember.
I love you, kiddo.
Aunt Teri

Sushi, anyone?**

Ugh. Had a most enjoyable morning. Thanks for asking. Got up at 5am to get ready for work as usual on this rainy Friday morning, but soon after the first sip of (heaven sent) coffee, I - excuse the tmi here - had to go potty. Ah, yeah.

So 30 minutes later, I decide I should call into work to let them know that I might just possibly be a wee bit late. Made my way upstairs to get ready and woo hoo, here we go again. 15 minutes later I'm back on the phone waving the white flag. Nope, this gal ain't gonna make it in today.

Go straight for the medicine cabinet. Um.....Immodium? Anyone, anyone?

There it is. When did these things become horse-pills? Anyway, pop a couple and go back to the bedroom to plant myself back in the bed. Since the daddy has been out of town, I've had a visitor in my bed. An early riser, no less. Guess who's awake and watching 'Wow Wow Wubbzy'. Loverly.

Smile......."I'm hungry, mommy". gag

"Ok, sweetie, what do you want for breakfast?" gag/bleckh

"I want waffles without the chocolate* and chocolate". ugh

Smile......."Mommy, why don't you fix you somefing and me somefing and bring it up on a tray? gag

"Oh, sweetie, mommy feels like she'll throw up or crap her pants if she puts anything remotely like food in her mouth, but thanks."
Well, ok, that's what I thought in my head. What I really said was, "Mommy's not hungry right now, sweetie, but I'll fix your waffles and chocolate and bring it up for you." I'm sweet like that.

So, down the stairs again. My guts are having a great time. I've never had an alien in my gut, but I think this morning I can relate. Something is going on down there, and it ain't good.

Back up the stairs with little Lord Fauntleroy's breakfast tray, climb back into bed and pray he doesn't want another waffle. Soon, breakfast is finished and little man says the most wonderful words in the whole wide world......"mommy, I'm still sleepy." Ahhhh. I love this kid.
Lights off, tv off, covers up and it's back to sleep for both of us.

*I buy an assortment of frozen waffles for quick breakfasts for little man. One of the most recent purchases was a waffle that's half chocolate, half vanilla. Disgusting. But he eats it and it's supposedly 'fortified'. Whatever. So, when he asked me for a waffle without the chocolate, he means a plain waffle. The second chocolate is chocolate milk, of course. What else would you drink with a waffle and syrup but chocolate milk? gaaaaaagg

**Oh, forgot to explain the sushi, anyone? title. Yesterday evening I took my visiting in-laws to a local sushi place. Nope, never been there before, but everyone that is anyone says it's the best in town. Blah, blah, blah. Not sure if that's what cause my GI distress or not, but I'd be willing to bet it had a hand in it..........

One time, at band camp....

Beautiful day today. Nice and breezy, a little overcast, cool. Had the screen door and windows open to enjoy it all. So nice.

Have I mentioned we live within spittin' distance to a high school? No? Well, we do.

Oh, did I mention we live within spittin' distance to a high school with a marching band? No? Well, we do.

And, did I mention we live within spittin' distance to a high school with a marching band that practices every stinkin' day? All. Day. Long.

Now, I really, really love marching bands - not as much as my sweet seester, but hey, that's a given: she's a band nerd - but I do enjoy watching them march and listening to them play their music. But, please.

Oh, we can't see the field; there's houses and a major roadway and lots of trees betwixt our house and the school....but, by gum (!) we can certainly hear every note played. To top it off, the band director has a microphone that blasts his every verbal utterance over the amplifiers at the football field. Arggghhh.

So, today while we enjoyed the lovely weather, we also got to enjoy the band play basically the same thing over and over and over and over. All.Day.Long.
Not sure what they were doing wrong, but for some reason, the director made them play it repeatedly.
And we got to listen to it repeatedly. Oh, and btw, it sounded exactly the same every single time they played it. Every single time.

First love

Well, it's official. My little man has a girlfriend. Other than me, that is. Oh, he intends to marry me though - he asked me, and I said yes - so this little floozy is obviously just a fling until the time comes for our wedding.

Yes, he informed me of his new significant other very casually the other day. Not sure what brought it up, but he told me that he, indeed, had found another. Naturally, I was shocked.
And a little jealous. Seems this little heartbreaker is in his class at school. I guess I should have known this would eventually happen, but I never realized it would come so soon.

Don't know a lot about her, but I do know her name. Jadyn.
She's very,very cute. And blonde.
With wispy curls. Long, wispy, blonde curls.
And blue eyes. Cute, long, blonde wispy curls, blue eyes.
And short. Roughly the same height as little man.
Just the right height to see face to face.
Blue-eyes to blue-eyes.
Nose to nose.
egad!!!! Lips to lips. AGHH!

My son, my sweet baby boy. Tells me in one short sentence that he has a girlfriend and that he *gasp* gave her a "kiss real". I'm assuming a "kiss real" means a real kiss in little man speak. When I asked him where he gave his kiss real, he said "on the playground." not exactly what I meant.......
So, I asked him again and he grinned, got shy and pointed to his mouth. His mouth!!!!!

Floozy. Jezebel.

What's a girl to do? My heart is broken.