Melancholy

Feeling a little melancholy this morning, maybe it's the season?  The leaves are changing, it's getting cooler outside - Fall is here.  Soon, Thanksgiving and then all too quickly Christmas will be here and gone.  Another year, passed.



Where has time gone?  Maybe it's because my days and weeks are spent the same - I treasure the quiet of my days off work, with time to myself to spend as I wish.  My work days are made better because I get to see my friends, not because of any great feeling of accomplishment anymore.  When did that change?  Am I making a difference there?  Occasional glimpses of a higher purpose appear, but they're few and far between. 

I got to spend some time with Mama last week when she and Dan-man came to stay with us while Greg was gone on his annual fishing trip.  I don't know how good my company was, but I really enjoyed her visit.  (Thanks, Mama for taking care of me!) You always amaze me with how you never complain about doing something for one of us.  Well, maybe you do, but I never hear it.  I know very few people who would make an apple pie at 10:30 at night just because.  If the grand kids want pizza, and then want something else, and then something else...you're on it.  And the #1 rule: 'Grandma overrules the Mama' stands well and true.

My memories of my childhood are fleeting - I don't remember many day to day events, and as I get older, even things that I thought I'd always remember at the time, are gone.  That makes me sad. 
I allow things to come and go, moments that I think to myself, "I need to go write that down" only to be distracted by something - the moment passes, along with the memory.  

I want time to stop sometimes - or at least slow down for goodness sakes!  Maybe it's me?  Maybe I need to savor each moment as it comes a little more.  Allowing the moment to sink in a little deeper, grow roots...so that when I want to re-visit that time, I'll be able to remember. 





photo credit: Shari Weinsheimer

Five + One = Six

I'm learning.  Slowly, it seems, but I'm learning.  I chose to not make a comment the other day when every fiber of my being wanted to!  We'd been working on little man's 100th day of school t-shirt project; we'd discussed what he wanted to decorate his t-shirt with, and we made the trip into town to Michael's to get the things.


His decorations?  Balls.  100 of them:  baseballs, footballs, soccer balls, and basketballs.  His favorites. 


As we stood in the aisle, I tried to use the occasion as a 'teaching moment'.   (The balls were actually stickers, probably made for scrapbookers, but I figured they would stick to a t-shirt well enough to work...maybe not for long-term use, but they'd last through the day!)
The stickers come packaged in a cellophane sleeve in groups of 5, so I helped him count out 100.  He can count to 100 easily, but I wanted to help him do it by 5s, and then (making it quicker for me) 25s.   I showed him that 25 + 25 + 25 + 25 = 100.   We went over it several times.  And by, "we went over it several times", I mean:  I went over it several times.....to his lack of interest.  Next, after many many minutes of arguing and whining discussion, we decided on a black t-shirt for the ball stickers.  I paid for the items and off we went. 

We spent a good 45 minutes a couple of nights later working on the project.  More arguing and whining discussion about how the items should be placed on the t-shirt - finally, we grouped them in the simplest of ways - chaotically: no specific pattern...completely random. There were balls everywhere!   It actually turned out pretty cute, even if it was a little harum-scarum.
Sent the t-shirt and the little man off to school the next day, hoping for a good grade for our his project.

That afternoon on the ride home from school is where I had my little lesson on keeping my mouth shut.  I asked the little man how his presentation went (oh yeah, forgot to tell ya they had to "present" their work....explaining how they'd come to choose their objects, and how they'd grouped their objects on the shirt.  I'm sure that was entertaining.)
He told me it went "good", but he'd had too many balls on his shirt; the teacher counted them and he'd had 105.  I was immediately on the defensive, because I knew I was right and she was wrong....I mean, we counted the wrappers over and over and over!  Remember my 'teaching moment'???  But for some reason, I kept my mouth shut.  We got home from school, he parked himself in front of the tv, I went to quietly dig through the garbage.  

I found the cellophane wrappers that had held the stickers and sure enough, for whatever reason, the basketballs were packaged in groups of 6.  Why?  I have no idea.  But I missed it.  Completely.   And because I missed it, I never even thought of counting the stupid balls as we stuck them to the t-shirt.  Because of my mistake, he probably won't get the best grade he could have gotten. 

Now, did I come clean?  To him, yes.  I told him I'd missed the fact that the basketballs had more than 5 in the package.  

To his teacher?  No.  Maybe I should have, I don't know.  It was supposed to be his project.  I'm a rotten mom - I let the 6 year old take the heat.  Would it have done any good to tell?  I don't know.   

The kid?  Completely unfazed by the whole thing.

Me?  Going back to elementary math class.

Free

Free to a good home:  Bad Attitude (size medium)  Small spot of grumpy on the front, but not really noticeable unless you look at it in bright light.  Or any light. 
Condition: pretty shabby, but could be polished to restore its shine using a mixture of salt water, sand and sun.  Very little elbow grease required. 
Will deliver locally.

Welcome! (wipe your feet)

Ok!  I think it's presentable now.  Come on in. 
Whatcha think? 
Do ya like?  Do ya?  Hmm??

Smells clean.
No leaks.
Really like the fresh flowers.

Yeah, I think we're good for a little while.

Welcome!

peace

I'm sitting on my new back porch.  Yes, I have things that need to be done, and you're right, this ain't gettin' 'em done.   Hush. 
But, just look.   Look outside!  It's beautiful!   The sun is so bright, the sky has absolutely no clouds.  The trees have completely changed over the last week and a half - there are new,  tender leaves - the prettiest green you've ever seen!  The dogwoods are in full bloom.  The birds are singing from every corner of the yard.  I hear no sounds other than the sounds of nature.   It's just beautiful.   And so peaceful. 
This setting has a horrible worsening effect on my chronic daydreamitis.  I remember a hundred years ago in elementary school, a teacher wrote, "Teri is a day-dreamer.  She'd rather look out the window...blah blah blah."   Well, y'know what?  I still am!  I'd rather look out the window than do many, many things.  
Oh, goodness, it's so peaceful and private and wonderful and lovely out here.  I'm very, very happy to be here in this time and place.  Thank you, Lord, for leading us home.

Happy Birthday

History: this weekend was sweetest hubby's birthday; next week is mine.

Got a text from little man's teacher at school today. Seems he'd been telling his buddies about our recent/upcoming birthdays.

Text:

"Ben told his friends that his daddy is 45 and his mommy is 23".

Yeah, thaaaat's my BOY!!

Just call me Oscar.

Ok, this has nothing to do with anything/anyone in particular. Not true, I'm sure it's hormonal. It's just me, venting.

1. Sometimes I hate, hate, hate my job. Like today.
2. Sometimes I hate people. I just want to be alone and not talk to anyone. Got a problem?
Don't wanna hear it. Need something? Get it yourself. Leave me alone.
3. I get tired of having to be nice all the time. I'm gonna explode.
4. I wish I could wiggle my nose and change things, but I can't.
5. I'm being intentionally vague. I'm sorry.
6. Not really.
7. I don't want to have to think about problems, bills, cooking, cleaning, job, laundry - etc. Not right now. I want a raincheck.
8. I want to check-out for a little while. Ok? Maybe take a hot bath and listen to music. Or not. Maybe complete silence. yeah. That would be nice.

Me, me, me! It's all about me!

Got suckered into doing one of those surveys online. This time I thought it was a cute idea, so I sent it out to my friends and family to see what kind of responses I'd get from those that, ahem, know me best. Hrmph.
Look for my comments in bold.

Instructions: Okay, this one is different - this is funny. YOU fill in the blanks
about ME and send it back to ME. But FIRST send a blank one out to
all your friends, including me, so we can return the favor to you.
Be honest. They're really SCARY to get back. It only takes a few
minutes, so just do it! First send (forward) this survey to everyone
you know to see how well he or she knows you. Second, hit 'reply'
and fill this survey out about the person who sent it to you and
send it back to to me.

(my mom's response…….you'd think she'd have all the answers right, right?)

Where did we meet? RMC
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean
Do I smoke? No
Color of my eyes? Brown
Do I have any siblings? 1 sister
What's one of my favorite things to do? cuddle w/ Ben
What's my favorite type of music? Soft jazz (huh? soft jazz? where'd that come from?)
Am I shy or outgoing? outgoing
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? follow the rules (uh, yeah.)
Any special talents? drawing, singing
How many children do I have? 1 boy
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? Ben

(my beautiful 'baby' cousin Kellie's responses)

Where did we meet? Probably the hospital or something when I was born... I don't really remember!
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean, or **** whichever (deleted, tmi :)
Do I smoke? nope
Color of my eyes? Green? (uh, naw)
Do I have any siblings? duh! a twin sister!
What's one of my favorite things to do? Play with your little man!
What's my favorite type of music? Country and Contemporary Christian
Am I shy or outgoing? outgoing
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? I can remember a time or two that you were a rebel, but mostly a rule follower. (that's enough.....we'll talk later.)
Any special talents? Beautiful voice, and you know a thing or two about buttholes, you know with the whole nursing thing and all (uh, everybody remember that I'm a GI nurse, right? oh, I guess she could be referring to the doctors I have to work with....either way, yes, I do know a thing or two about buttholes.)
How many children do I have? 1, and he is the most handsome, sweetest little man in the whole world! (beautiful lady speaketh truth)
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? food I hope-- or a hairdryer! (hee hee)

(my lovely twin seester's responses – who, next to our mother, should have all the right answers…..right?.....mmm hmmm, yeah) (oh, and yes, she is a freakin' lunatic.)

Where did we meet? In our womb. (um, our womb?)
Take a stab at my middle name? :::stab!::: Got it! (ugh)
Do I smoke? Well, that's a matter of opinion...you're CUTE...but smokin'? I dunno...
Color of my eyes? same as mine.
Do I have any siblings? Yes, the most incredible sister in the entire world. (humble, much?)
What's one of my favorite things to do? Read e-mails from your incredible sister. (oy)
What's my favorite type of music? Your incredible sister singing. (uh, not so much.)
Am I shy or outgoing? oh, shy, of course...BOO! See? You jumped...
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? You follow the rebel rules....and get suspended from school for wearing your flag on an Alabama t-shirt. (uh, it was ISS and it wasn't just a flag, it was the rebel flag, and it was a teeny-tiny rebel flag in the shape of the great state of Alabama on a huge U.S. outline…..and I wasn't the only one. And we made the 6:00 news. And we got free pizza. So there.)
Any special talents? Which definition of "special"?
How many children do I have? 2. A tall one and a short one.
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? hopefully a cell phone!!!

(this is from my friend Barbara – she's crazy too, but strangely, got all the questions right.)

Where did we meet? Church
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean
Do I smoke? no
Color of my eyes? brown
Do I have any siblings? yep
What's one of my favorite things to do? spend time with family
What's my favorite type of music? christian/country
Am I shy or outgoing? depends on the person
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? follow the rules
Any special talents? has a BEAUTIFUL voice!!!
How many children do I have? one precious blue eyed boy
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? bible and some lipstick

(yet another member of my psychotic family, my crazy Aunt Charlene)

Where did we meet? after your surprise arrival of coming in twos....at grandma's house cause I wasn't allowed to go to the hospital (mama didn't know until we were born that she was having twins - that was back in the middle ages when there were no ultrasounds....and aunt lene couldn't go to the hospital to see us because she was too young.....or she had some communicable disease, or some such....)
Take a stab at my middle name? Jean
Do I smoke? YOU BETTER NOT
Color of my eyes? brown
Do I have any siblings? above mentioned other of 'twos'
What's one of my favorite things to do? spend time with TSBIGA (the sweetest boy in Georgia – abbreviated for obvious reasons…)
What's my favorite type of music? depends on your mood, but mostly country
Am I shy or outgoing? both
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? both
Any special talents? sings like an angel
How many children do I have? above mentioned TSBIGA
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? coffee and chocolate (true, true.)

(lastly, my other crazy Aunt Teresa, or Teesa to all....)

Where did we meet? Like I wrote for your sister while ago, the first time I met you was at RMC, and you were crying and screaming your head off, and you weren't very pretty at the time!!!
Take a stab at my middle name? Well, since it is a family name on your Dad's side, I hope I can get it right when I say "JEAN!!"
Do I smoke? Only when you walk too fast!!! lol :)
Color of my eyes? You are like your sister on that one, your eyes are dark brown!!! A brown eyed blonde!!! Or you used to be!! Lol (excuse me, but I'm still a blonde, thankyouverymuch)
Do I have any siblings? I think you had a twin, but seeing as how it is Toni, is she a sibling? And does she know that's what she is??? (oh, yes. I think she knows......mm hmm)
What's one of my favorite things to do? Go to the beach and play with Ben, maybe???
What's my favorite type of music? Like your Mama, sister, cousins, and aunts, you like George Strait, but I think you still like the type of music that was popular when you were a teenager!!! Am I shy or outgoing? I would say that you are outgoing. I told Toni that I thought she was both, but with you, I think you got brass balls, babe!! Lol (thanks!)
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? You mostly follow the rules, unless you don't want to, then you go your own way! (yep, it's all about me. Remember that.)
Any special talents? You can sing and draw, but I don't think you want to make a living doing either of them.
How many children do I have? You have the one beautiful little boy, that is spoiled rotten, and nobody seems to know why! (I certainly had nothing to do with it!)
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? Like your Mama, sister, cousins and aunts, you would stock up on chocolate! (true, true)

So, there ya go. Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask.